Injecting disinfectant, using light? Brilliant!

(See what I did there both light and our Fearless Leader are brilliant! Actually he is a Very Stable GENIUS which is more than brilliant!)

Last week our Fearless Leader spoke on the benefits of injecting ourselves with disinfectant and using light to clear virus from our lungs. Sure, on the surface that sounds reasonable and logical. Let's take a deeper look into the details of such a course of action.

First, there are certainly records of people injecting household cleaners in the past. The Hillside Strangler was known to have tried this with admittedly horrible results. Still, just because a depraved monster from the past was unsuccessful doesn't mean that we shouldn't try? Ok maybe not.

Second, although all many health care workers and even the companies that make such products have come out against such an idea, what do they know. That does not necessarily make it a bad idea, does it? They just don't want all the glory for themselves. They don't want to have to explain that although the procedure was successful in clearing virus, all of the patients died in a horrible, painful manner.

Now using light as therapy for COVID-19 seems more like it. Although laser therapy is a well known and effective treatment for many conditions, it does seem to have limitations. Also, it seems as if when our Fearless Leader spoke about light therapy he was referencing sunlight. So, how do we get sunlight into the lungs and, to use medical jargon, innards of people.

One option would be to use strong suction to gently pull the lungs out of the body through the mouth, then let the lungs sit for an extended period in direct sunlight while the sun does its thing. We could have special hospitals built just like tuberculosis clinics of the past. People could go in, get their lungs gracefully sucked out and then be wheeled out onto a beautiful sunlit terrace with other patients (all six feet apart) where their lungs would air out and dry in the healing sunlight.

Yeah, I know that lungs don't work very well, or at all, when they are inside out or dry, or both. Still, some sacrifices must be made.

Or maybe, instead of pulling the lungs out of the body we could treat the blood with sunlight! Instead of gorgeous light filled patios of patients with their lungs protruding from their mouths like two petaled light pink flowers drying in the sun, we could have them attached to a machine similar to a dialysis machine. Instead of acting to treat the blood for kidney failure, these machines would pull blood from patients, run it to a beautiful silver platter where it would be dried in the sun, thus eliminating all of the virus from the bloodstream! The dried blood could then be collected in an envelope and sent to the surviving family of the now deceased but virus free patient as proof that the therapy was successful.

Maybe not.

HSG